Team Players
Jun 30, 2010 
The other day I posted a comment on a blog that was seriously misinterpreted. It had the unfortunate timing of showing up right after another comment, so close in fact that I didn’t see the other comment before I posted–but coincidence made it possible to read criticism into my comment, because of its placement. I was mortified when the first commenter wrote back defending herself against this perceived attack, so I tracked her down and sent her an email explaining things. She turned out to be really nice and understanding, and not at all the kind of super-aware, oversensitive type I had been expecting, which got me thinking: what is it that prompts normal, healthy people to be so on guard for perceived attacks from all quarters?
As I read through the other comments on that post, and comments on other posts in the publishing world, it occurred to me that a good half of them, at least, were negative. Either they lashed out at the agent who posted it or they lashed out at other commenters, or they just spewed frustration all over the place because it was an agent’s blog and where else are you going to vent your frustration about the publishing process? This person (and the rest of us too, I expect, to varying degrees) was on guard because we have to be, because there actually is a horde of anonymous faces out there waiting to tear someone down.
So why DO we–and by we I mean writers, agents, editors, anyone in the publishing world–tear each other down? Because while, yes, the bulk of the negativity seems to come from writers at various stages in the process, occasionally editors and agents succumb to the frustration as well–they’re only human, too. In one respect I guess it’s like any corner of the internet: people are mean to each other because they can be, because even if they’re not anonymous, all they’re doing is talking to a screen, and they don’t have to actually see the subject of their ridicule. But sometimes it feels a bit more than that. Jealousy, maybe, frustration, certainly.
So sometimes I feel like wading hip-deep into these discussions and shouting “We’re all on the same team!” Because the thing is, tearing down other writers doesn’t make us look better. (I could talk about how it actually makes us look worse, but that’s a whole different post!)
One writer’s success does not make it harder for another writer to get published–if anything, it’s the opposite. The more people read good books and want to read more good books, the bigger the market for books will be. I’m not really sure where the need to tear others down comes from.
Do you guys have any stories about this sort of thing? Thoughts? I’m not sure there’s anything to be done about it, except maybe to at least declare that I’m not going to be one of those people who gets their jollies by kicking other people around, and hope that maybe others will too.
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I agree. The internet has given us a place to CONNECT.
Especially for writers, it’s important to connect with others and know other people’s thoughts… It’s about a community! I like to think that whenever someone somewhere posts a piece of work, others will encourage him/her and offer constructive criticism. I mean, if you’re going to take up minutes of your life, better do it to help people, right?
What’s the point in trying to tear down some person just because you can or because you won’t see the consequences? People’s dreams are fragile and the smallest praise can raise them high, just as the smallest criticism can grind them into the abyss.
I feel angry whenever I see comments that are only scorn and no help. I mean, haven’t they got something better to do than ruin someone’s passion?
And yes, I agree!! We’re all on the same team. Others’ success shouldn’t make you feel bad. Some get lucky and others just need to wait x) I think it’s great that we find people across the world who share the same passion and are trying to reach the same goal. Don’t be so competitive! As you said, Meagan, just because one person triumphs doesn’t mean the other doesn’t. We’re all on the same team!
Hm, I’m not quite sure what else to say but this is a nice topic to bring up, Meagan 🙂
Thanks for your comment! It is definitely a comfort to know that there are other writers out there who think about this sort of thing, and more importantly, think before they comment, blog, etc. I think the best thing we can do is really just hold ourselves to the standard we wish everyone else would keep, and try not to let it get us down.
Ugh, yes. Yeah. A few months ago I posted a review to FP and the writer didn’t even reply to me, but some guy who was her… “delegate” or something? I couldn’t understand for the life of me why she was delegating her reply to someone else and not even bothering to reply to me herself. It was so weird. But that wasn’t the problem.
They (he? she? IDEK) completely misinterpreted my critcism. Basically, the guy said my opinion was “invalid” because I’d never experienced what I was critcising, which is an assumption he made without me saying anything about personal experience. WTF. And this was supposed to be a “romance” story, mind, which I found creepy and I said as much. I tried to be professional about it as it was a public review.
But then it got personal; he called me “little girl” and I had to point out that we BOTH were sixteen at the time, which I found on his profile and the condescension totally pissed me off. He called me an uptight conservative when I never said ANYTHING about my political views. And ffs I don’t even live in the same country as him, here we seem to have a million and a half political parties/views…
We went back and forth for a while, me on the defensive and him on the offensive. Finally we worked it when I called him on the assumptions he made, and parted on good terms, but good God. It was such a negative encounter.
Weird things happen on FP, sometimes people misinterpret constructive or any criticism as flaming >.<
That’s why I don’t review anymore and hardly ever read. :< It sucks, because I used to love FP, but now I'm not so much into it anymore.
Same, I only review if someone from my subscribed list pops up otherwise months of inactivity lol.
I used to post on FF.net back before it split into FF and FP (I feel so old!) and had some similar experiences when I commented — and I was way kinder and more positive then that I expect I would be now. That’s why I’m also cautious about reading other people’s work, whether online or a friend’s work. Often the more criticism I have, the more I actually LIKE a piece… I spend time critiquing it because I feel it’s worth working on. Unfortunately it tends to come across differently when you’re on the receiving end.
Completely agree with being on the same team. Ever since I started reading blogs about other people writing and publishing, my outlook on new books has changed as I’m sure who ever wrote their story put a lot of effort into it so I’m not on the swift to attack belt of commentary. Constructive criticism is fine but hate isn’t. I guess it helps to remember there’s another human beyond the screen (I hope :).
Same here. Yes, there are books and even authors I don’t like, and yes, there are a small few that I feel incredibly strongly about. But I don’t talk about them online. Setting aside questions of professionalism, networking, etc.–it just feels cruel to bash someone’s work even if you do feel the work is genuinely sub-par. It seems to have more to do with jealousy than artistic commentary.
Everyone gets jealous of someone else’s career at some point, I don’t think you can really avoid that. The tipping point is just whether you swallow that jealousy and channel it back into your work or if you let it build up and explode all over the net somewhere. I’m a big believer in the “people will be sorry when I’m famous” mode of comfort. So, the best way to make them sorry? Get famous! (I.e., get back to work.)
down with the haters!
I think there are at least two reasons for the preponderance of negative criticism. First, even though I think most of us start with the intention of helping the artist, negative criticism is more likely to be specific; it’s harder to make positive comments that will help improve a piece. Second, I think our electronic communication tends to be rushed, so that we put something out there without considering all the angles. And since there are more ways to say something wrong than to say something right, chances are that we’re going to say something that is or appears to be hurtful. And that’s not even mentioning those among us who get an ego boost from putting others down.
That said, what you mean “we” paleface? I’m getting that Nobel Prize in Lit, and if I can trample people en route, so much the better!
Buck
Re: down with the haters!
You are so right to point out the fact that negative criticism is usually so specific. I know I definitely have a kneejerk reaction to think “You’re being so picky and overcritical!” I had a tendency when I was younger to think that criticism came from stupid people and praise came from the smart ones. Oh, to be young and oblivious again. Sigh. 😉
Okay, but now that you’ve told me you’re going to have to buy my silence with some of that prize money. Just FYI.
I have a friend who, after I got an agent, got really weird. She stopped talking to me about writing, and actually got really bitter any time I wanted to cry about an editor rejection. “At least you’re getting rejected by real editors,” she’d say — as if that makes it any better. I completely agree with your post. Writers really should focus more on building each other up instead of tearing each other apart. There’s that saying, “The only person who can make someone stop reading your work is YOU.” So true. More people need to remember it.
I think we all feel that pang of jealousy at some stage or another, whether it’s because someone you know is enjoying the success you wish you had, or someone out there in the publishing world in general is just wildly popular and you want to be there too. I often compare it in my head to the sort of jealousy I get as a single person when hanging around with my friends who are couples–you love them and you’re happy they’re happy but every so often you just get this irrational “Why can’t I have that?” I think the important thing is to just keep being a good friend despite those occasional pangs.
If nothing else, professional jealousy (and how a person handles it) can help you sort out your REAL friends from everyone else. I’m a big believer in the fact that in the long run it’s a GOOD thing when your “friends” show their true colors. At least you be the one to take a step back, and remember who really still matters most.
I guess we can only try to be supportive and hope the tides of anonymous hate changes. I think the proportion of angry commentors on general posts is lower than you suggest. I just think the angry people are more noticeable because they’re loud. Polite people won’t get noticed as much because part of being polite is not imposing on other people. Still, even if it’s only 1 angry comment out of 10, that’s still a lot.
Once you start looking at the more controversial posts, then things get really bad in the comments section. The worst is when it dissolves into a fight between two or more people with everyone else just trying to politely get on with it.
You’re probably right about the proportion just seeming larger because the angry comments are more noticeable.
And yeah, I’m always torn between amusement when comments sections break down into individual fights, and annoyance… sometimes it can be pretty hilarious, and I have to try not to feel guilty about giggling while I scroll down to find the more mature comments. 😛